The New Blog!

It's time for the "big move"! Which is really not that big of a move at all, considering that it's just a simple click of the mouse. No heavy boxes, sweat, or dust bunnies involved! If only all moves were this easy.

The reasons why I'm moving are pretty simple.

First, I started this blog for me, as a sort of online diary, since I prefer typing to writing. But its purpose has evolved, and while it is still mostly a record for my memories..a kind of living baby book...it's also for my family and friends and curious passers-by. So I'm moving to a better url for that purpose. Something that I, and hopefully others, can actually remember.

And second, I've got a new project for myself. And a new beginning deserves a new beginning. I'll still be blogging a lot about Miss Adelaide (and new baby!), so don't worry, grandparents. But I'll also be blogging about this new curriculum I'm making for myself. It should be interesting, to say the least.

So here's the new address. This will probably be the last post on this blog, but it will stay up for quite some time. So don't panic if (like me) it takes you a few views to remember to switch your bookmark.

http://taraewald.blogspot.com/

Short, but Rich!

This is going to be a short post, because we're super busy. However, there a few gems at the bottom of the post...

I'm winding down my posting because ...I'm moving!

Before you panic, I'm not moving in real life. I'm just moving to a new blog. I'm excited about it, and I'll explain the reasons for the move in-depth later on. It's actually not a big deal, except for that initial transition, which is a PAIN for everyone that reads my blog. It's like changing a phone number, I guess. I was a little hesitant to do it, but I also felt like I needed a fresh start for my new project! But more on that later.

That's virtual life. Real life is ticking right along. Addie and I are preparing for a big road trip. Like multiple days kind of big! We're leaving very soon for a long drive to North Carolina for a big visit with my family. Internet safety usually dictates that you don't announce a trip before you leave, but since Tim will still be here protecting our property, I'm not TOO worried. :-)

And Baby is doing great. We had our big anatomy ultrasound on Thursday the 28th, and all was well. The baby looks really good and is average on all measurements, which is great! Both Tim and I thought immediately that this baby's profile looks really different from Addie's at that age. So it should be exciting to meet this little person and see if they're a totally different breed of Ewald!

And for those that don't know, we chose NOT to find out the sex. We like the surprise. The ultrasonographer did peek, and assures that it is definitely either a boy or girl and not a combo. So that's really all we need to know, right now!

Compared to Addie's anatomy ultrasound, they didn't give us many great photos. The lady doing it was kind of a cold fish. She was very competent, but she was also totally clinical. It was very "Here's the femur. It's normal. Here's the foot. It's normal." Meanwhile, our baby was being so cute and waving its fists and sucking its thumb and yawning and nary a word did she say. I was sort of irritated that she managed to drain the joy from the occasion, but even her "dry as dust" demeanor couldn't totally ruin it!

These are my favorite pics. Profile and yawning.

Six years, 19 months, and 17 weeks!

Those are our significant numbers this month! As of July 16th, Tim and I have been married for six years! That was also the day that Addie officially became 19 months old. And I'm 17 weeks pregnant.

There's a lot going on there and it would take me many posts to "unpack" each of those numbers and what they mean to me. For now, I hope it will suffice to say that I feel very blessed and very ...full. In a good way, not in the "why did I eat half a bag of tostitos followed by way too many cookies?" way. Not that I've done that recently or anything :-)

There have been some years in the past where we were able to make a really big deal out of celebrating our anniversary. This year wasn't one of them! Tim is just way too busy for us to get out of town. During this rotation he has to be at work every day for at least a few hours, even on weekends. That doesn't lend itself to vacations or even an overnight trip. We settled for a family trip down to Lanesboro during the day and a nice dinner and movie date that night. Aunt Sylvia came to babysit, so Addie could have cared less that we were gone, as she loves all her aunties. She did ask repeatedly if "Boney" aka Bonnie and Jack (the dog) and Gandpa and Lita were coming with Sylvia. We had to disappoint her on that score, but we were very pleased that she knows who "belongs" to who in a general sense. We ate a lovely dinner at Pazzo, an Italian place in town, and then saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Not the most romantic movie, but the one we most wanted to see! All in all, it was just nice to have a night to ourselves where we could reflect on where six years has brought us and speculate about our future.

I originally thought about titling this post "What a Mess!" but thought that might give the wrong impression of our marriage! The "mess" part applies only to Miss A, and only in the literal sense. She's quite put together in many ways, she just really enjoys making a mess, as you can see. These pictures are of her washing herself with a Thin Mint. I'm not really sure why she decided to use a cookie as a washcloth...my best guess is that the minty goodness was so awesome she just wanted to bathe in it. Who hasn't been there?

Edit: Technical difficulties. I'll have to work on this. For some reason my pictures went to an undisclosed (to me) location.


There are a few other developments I haven't recorded yet. Addie likes to play the "name game", where she'll suggest some names for herself and laughingly reject them. It goes like this. "Indy? nooooooooo!! hahahha!!!!!" "Rocky? Nooooooooo!" and so on through all household objects and her friends' names before finally saying "Addie? Yayayayayay!" She also knows her full name, which she pronounces as "Ad-ade Camel Edolled". That's not a bad approximation of Adelaide Campbell Ewald, in my view.

Ads learns more words and phrases every day. She is now using short phrases on a regular basis and is starting to speak longer phrases. One of my personal favorites is when she says "thank you." I've often said "oh thank you, Addie, my sweet girl" when she gives me a hug or "thank you, my good girl" when she is listening (granted, I don't get to use that one a lot!). Yesterday I gave her the remnants of a Rice Krispie treat, which really got her jazzed up. She started squealing and dancing and said "Dank you! Oh dank you, my good mommy!" I felt pretty special even though I know that was totally reward based!

Speaking of rewards, we have access to Addie's 18 month pictures now. The photographer doesn't actually want folks to post pictures on Facebook or blogs, but you are able to view them on her site. You can also order pictures from there (grandparents!) if you'd like.

Her site is here: http://willowphotographybybeckywooten.com/ To view Addie's pictures, just click on the link and then click on "make an order", which is the fourth link in the black task bar at the top. Scroll down to the bottom and click on "Ewald 18 months". It's really really difficult for me to pick my favorites because I thought they turned out so well!


In baby news, all is quiet on the uterine front and I'm pleased by that. I still feel emphatic little thumps and bumps (my kids don't flutter!) and that is still reassuring. The heartbeat ranges between 140 to 160, which is inconclusive as far as determining gender via wives' tales. If you don't know what I mean, I'm referring to the wives' tale that says a low heart rate (around 130) usually indicates a boy and a higher heart rate (around 170) indicates a girl. Mine is smack in the middle. Baby is playing it close to the vest. We have our big anatomy ultrasound next week,and we are of course looking forward to that!

Fireworks

Little Miss America! My friend Diana took this picture on her phone. Thanks, Diana!

Our Fourth of July was lovely. We had a fun time cooking out with friends, and Addie almost made it to the fireworks. We ended up driving home at about 9:30, and the fireworks started at 10. She quieted down once we got her into the car, so we drove out to a hill near our neighborhood and watched the light extravaganza for half an hour. Ads was transfixed. She watched the entire thing in absorbed silence, battling drooping eyelids. Every now and again she would remark quietly "pwitty". All in all it was quite different from the shrieks and wild reaction that I thought we might get ...but it was lovely and peaceful. And we finally watched the fireworks, for the first time in our three years here!

Otherwise, life is ticking right along here for us Ewalds. The baby is doing great...there is finally a lack of fireworks on the pregnancy horizon, which is a nice change! He or she is kicking on a regular basis, which is very soothing for me. Tim felt him/her kick for the first time on Sunday night. That was really exciting, mostly because he had a look of sheer delight on his face. And no one looks quite as happy as Tim when he is happy! He smiles with his whole face and being when he really means it, and I love it! Fatherhood is such a different experience than motherhood, especially during pregnancy. It's nice for him to be able to experience some milestones too.

I feel a lot better these days, thank heavens. I have such sympathy for people who are chronically ill or in pain, because I was a total crab for about two and a half months. I felt so ill and uninspired, and I couldn't get anything done around the house, which just fed into the cycle of stress and fatigue. I think Addie was the only person I was nice to during this time period. Every time I go through the first trimester, I think "ugh, no way am I doing this again". And then I get to this point in the pregnancy and I think "sure, I could do half a dozen kids"! It really is the honeymoon period. I have a tiny little baby bump and I can feel the baby moving, but I haven't yet reached the "behemoth" stage of lumbering around in pants that are held together with a ponytail ties and a lot of generous elastic. And I'm sure when I'm in labor, I'll think "never again" only to switch right back to "let's do it again!" when I hold the baby for the first time. Funny how predictable those feelings are, right?

Addie herself is in a challenging phase, speaking of fireworks. The girl is a firecracker all on her own. She's a runner. As soon as we reach our destination and her little feet hit the ground, she's off. And she doesn't stop running for the entire time that we're "there", wherever there might be. She has little regard for things like...water that is over her head, streets, fences (she tries to squeeze through them), other people, rivers...these are a just a few things that I've had to worry about. I'm starting to have sympathy for those parents that put their kids on leashes. I haven't resorted to that yet...we're just working really hard on better listening skills...but seriously, she scares me sometimes. I'm proud of her independence, but I wish she had a bit more fear or inclination to stick close to me. I call her "The Lone Ranger" because she's always off exploring on her own. I think this might be my fault because every time we leave the house, I say "OK, let's go have an adventure!". Clearly she doesn't find splashing happily in the shallows adventurous enough!

The lack of obedience is a big problem when it comes to the "Lone Ranger" issues. And it's kind of problem elsewhere too. She clearly understands simple directions, but she often chooses not to follow them. I've decided that I have to get tough on her, and neither one of us is enjoying the process. She's had quite a few instances where she's had to go to Time Out several times in a row, for failing to listen. Addie is both dramatic and stubborn...so Time Out becomes an ordeal where she either screams and wails piteously for her whole MINUTE of punishment, or she treats it like a game. She's supposed to sit on the bottom step on her bottom. So she'll hover over the step almost sitting down, but not quite. Or she'll stretch out her arm or leg so she's touching the step but is not actually ON the step. I have to hide my smile when she does this, because honestly, what kind of 18 month old is smart enough and sassy enough to get the nuances of "I'm going to obey you, but just barely"? So it's a little bit amusing but mostly exasperating because I refuse to have a bratty child. I mean, clearly she'll have times where she acts like a brat, because all kids do from time to time, but I don't want that to be her M.O. from here on out.

So it's a tough time in some ways, as Addie tests her boundaries. But that's normal for children around two. I think she is a bit on the early side for this kind of behavior, but hopefully that means she'll just get through it faster. At least until the next bout of "testing" starts!

I have a lot of pictures of Addie that I haven't uploaded, so here's a random group of shots. This was probably about a month ago, at this point! Sheesh, time flies around here.

The birthday boy (at the time!)


Addie ditched her bathing suit at some point and went for the diaper only look.
She really likes sitting by herself in big chairs. I think it makes her feel grown-up.
Emmarie and Ava, dragging a large tube around. We're going to miss Em and her family so much! They relocated to South Dakota, and it's already slightly less fun around the Roch. Baby Bennett, our newest addition to the playgroup!
Precious little Charlotte, wishing she could get in on the action already!

Introducing Baby Ewald #2!

The star of today's post...Baby Ewald #2!
We are growing as a family, both literally and figuratively :-) Sometime around December 22, we'll be welcoming a new little one into the world! The due date has bounced around a little bit, but that seems to be the official consensus at this point. We're thrilled, to say the least!

I'm 15 weeks along, we've had no less than FOUR good ultrasounds, and we breezed through the first trimester screen with no issues. Plus, I can feel the baby kicking on a regular basis now :-). So we're finally able to share the good news with everyone in our lives.

It has been quite the roller coaster ride up until this point, but as you can see from the ultrasound, the baby is kicked back and relaxed. The ultrasound tech was laughing at this image, saying "look at that...kicked back in the recliner, soda in hand, loving life...". He or she is not at all stressed, and Mom and Dad (mostly Mom) are trying to take a lesson from that.

The pregnancy is the main reason that I haven't blogged much in recent months. First, because I felt absolutely terrible 95% of the time for the first 12 weeks. Dragging my nauseated carcass out of bed was about as much as I could handle, forget actually thinking! Second, because I didn't want to spill the beans about the baby until we were "in the clear", or as much in the clear as you ever can be with your children. It's hard to face my blank screen and not talk about one of the biggest things on my mind, so I just avoided the whole issue by not blogging.

But now I'm back! And I'm excited to document this new adventure, along with the continuing adventures of Miss Addie. By the way, she had some really really super cute photos taken by our friend Becky that I can't wait to share! So there is a lot to look forward to and just like Baby Ewald, we're loving life.

Father's Day

I love Father's Day. Check out three generations of adorable dimples.

I like Mother's Day too, of course, but I feel slightly embarrassed by Mother's Day now that I'm a mother. I get this kind of "Aw, shucks" feeling, a strange sort of mixture of guilt and humility. It feels strange to get a present and attention for doing something that feels like the greatest and best and most fun thing I've ever done. It's like getting a trip to Europe and then being presented with a massive diamond ring while you're there..."an embarrassment of riches" is how the saying goes, I suppose.

I have none of these conflicting feelings about Father's Day. It feels exactly right to take a day to honor Tim...and my own dad, and his dad...for being the men and fathers that they've become. And Adelaide really, really loves her father. No shock there, of course, because he's a very lovable guy. And he's a wonderful father. She takes a very obvious delight in her dad. You can see how happy she is!

During the day, she routinely asks if Dad can come with us to run errands, swim, play with friends...and she usually answers her own question with a sigh, and "No. Working." That's the sad reality of a resident's daughter's life. But the flip side is that they both really value the time that they DO get together. They play hard, wrestle hard, laugh hard, and make the most of every minute. Tim puts her in bed every night that he can, and she always asks for Daddy at bedtime. She has a special tone of voice that she reserves just for Tim, that makes us both laugh. He'll tickle her or otherwise tease her and she gives him this adoring sideways look and says "Daaaaadaaaaa" in this tone of voice that's like "Oh, you!". It's such a cute and flirty thing to do, and it just melts Daddy, which is exactly what it's designed to do. Never believe that an 18 month old is incapable of manipulation, folks.

We spent the day with Grandpa and Lita, their good friend Edith, and Aunt Sylvia. It was a really lovely day and we had excellent food, per the usual. Addie really loves Grandpa and Lita's yard, which is HUGE. She spent at least the first half hour yelling "GRASS! RUN!" and then taking off as fast as she could. If you enlarge the picture here, you can see that her mouth is wide open, because she's yelling "RUN!"

And here she is, still running.

Having fun with her sweet and pretty aunt.

We missed being able to to be with my own Dad also, but we were able to call "Heavy D" (yes, that is really what he wants to be called) and chat with him. And we'll see him in August.

In other news, Addie got a badly needed haircut about two weeks ago. It was her first haircut, and she LOVED the salon. And how not? Look at this place, it's adorable.

It's called Little Dudes and Divas, and they have a lot of fun toys and video screens at each sink. And here's Miss Ads checking out the toys ...and you can see her mullet, which just had to go.

So while Addie loved the salon, she actually hated getting her hair cut. I'd tried to prepare her, but she was really uncomfortable with the whole process, as you can see.

I couldn't get many shots of her because I had to hold her in the chair. And while we got rid of the mullet, she still has really long bangs, because she started flailing around during that part of the proceedings. And while a more trim frontline would have been cute, losing an eye would sort of detract from the overall effect. This is my best "after" shot....and it's not that great. She wanted out.
Addie is now saying "Maaaaammmaaaa. Get ouuuuut." which is her oh-so-subtle way of saying she wants to get out of her crib. And she's already asking for her morning "godurt" or yogurt. Time to begin the day!

Golden Days

Summer is here! And in typical Minnesota fashion, it has arrived with a vengeance.

It was a hard spring for the Ewalds. Well, at least it was a hard spring for me, and I probably made it hard on everyone else! We had the worst spring weather possible...tons of gray, chilly, rainy days. And I felt very flat and restless and irrationally irritable for much of the last few months. So that was great fun for everyone...

But now it's warm and lovely and I feel like the long golden days have given our family a new burst of energy and inspiration. The last few days have been downright scorching...it reached 100 yesterday...but no one is complaining! We're soaking up the sun and the heat and loving every minute of it. The change in the weather has coincided with a change in our household. We have remembered gratitude for small pleasures and happiness in simple things.

Especially Miss Addie. She is a lover of the outdoors. She wants to be "SIDE!" all the time, which is how she says "outside". We've been going to the pool nearly every day and she loves swimming. She charges right into the water (fortunately our pool has a zero depth entry!) and just keeps walking until she's up to her chin in water. Then she usually stops, although she's had her fair share of dunkings. Luckily she loves the water, so she doesn't cry when she goes under. She just looks sort of surprised.

Speaking of being outside, I've missed a LOT of updates in the past few months. I'll eventually talk about why I haven't blogged much, but for today, here are some pictures from our friend Justin's birthday. He's from Louisiana and he had a big crawfish boil on Memorial Day for his birthday celebration. It was the first of the beautiful days and we had a great time being outside with all our friends. It was also super windy, but it was warm, and the kids had a great time messing with the live crawfish (not too many fingers got pinched!) and just running around together. Eventually they all ended up playing in the hose, and Addie spent the last half of the day naked. The pics are from the first half of the day. There was a little too much "chasing of children" going on towards the end to take many pictures!

So I dressed Addie in this SUPER cute dress that my Mom bought her, and she looked like a doll. This is me asking Addie to smile and say "cheese!". She missed the smile but she said "cheeeeeeeesssssseeeee" repeatedly.



This is a hill that she insisted on trying to climb repeatedly. It was very high and dangerous for her (you can't see it, but there's a wall on the right side that drops off about 8 feet to concrete). And I'm telling her for the millionth time that she isn't allowed to go up there. Ads was very wounded by this.


Addie Bells is fascinated by "big girls" at this time in her life. Here she is hanging out with Ava and Grace, like one of the ladies.

And here she is still trying to hang out with Ava.

She isn't quite big enough to keep up, but boy, she tries!



Fortunately, Ava is an experienced big sister, with two younger siblings at home. So she was really kind and sweet to Addie.

And you can see the hero worship in Addie's face. She was so happy that Ava was playing with her. Thanks, Maggie, for raising such a sweetie!


And did I mention it was really windy? I love the shots of the girls with their hair and dresses blowing!


Speaking of sweeties, I got two kind of random shots of other kids. Addie was supposed to be sitting beside Halle for this one, so we could get a picture of them with their pigtails. But she was MUCH too busy for that!
And here's our "Calo". He is getting so big and handsome.

My girl is cooing from her bed now, so I'm going to scoop her up and give her morning snuggles before her "SEARuhl" as she calls it, with great emphasis.

More pictures and catching up to come....

Update

I tried to write a meaningful post last night, but Blogger was down for the count for about 12 hours. What are the odds? I don't post for a month and the one night I get some time/inclination, the software is being debugged. :-)

Anyway, I am resolved to renew my commitment to blogging. I went back through old entries last night and I really love having this living record of our time with Addie. Plus, I do enjoy blogging and I feel ill at ease when I don't record milestones and precious moments.

All that said, it is going to take another week or two to get back into the swing of things. First, because we've been on vacation (in NC) and second, because we are going on vacation again (NYC). So this isn't a great time to start trying to blog consistently. But afterward....we'll see if I can do better. I've set the bar pretty low, so I should be able to clear it with ease :-)

Quick Tidbits

I don't know if I'll have time to add a picture or video to this post, but I just wanted to quickly jot down some funny Addie moments in recent days. Ads continues to grow physically, lengthening out and gaining toddler proportions, but her truly amazing growth is in her personality. She is so funny that she makes us laugh constantly.

For instance, yesterday she got up from her nap and cuddled for a little bit. She suddenly jumped up, got down off the couch and very importantly strutted over to the refrigerator. I just watched, a little confused, as she tried to tug open the fridge. As she pulled insistently on the handle, she started shouting "Hungry!" "Hungry!" I cracked up. She's subtle.

The other thing that she says a lot is "Sure". But she says it more like "sho" and she uses it to answer her own questions. She'll ask me "Cookie?" and then answer herself "sho! sho!" in a very bright and perky tone. Or "movie?" and then "sho!" It's pretty funny.

I've got a video somewhere of her trying to put Rocky in her bathing suit. I can't remember what I taped it on though, and I'm having trouble finding it. But I'd like to post it. She and Rocky are BFFs, for sure (or sho!). In fact, Rocky has taken to riding in the other side of her double jogging stroller. Yes, I'm that woman, pushing a dog in a stroller. But she loves it so much that it warms my heart. She always wants "Bocky" to ride in her "strewdow" with her now. And he just jumps right up. I just shake my head and off we go!

Keeping Up

Addie's hair is long enough for the "Pebbles" ponytail on top of her head now. And little pigtails. Both are so, so cute, but the "after" is just as priceless. As witnessed below.


My child likes to feed me. It's one of the ways that she shows affection. She will very proudly and insistently offer you whatever half gummed thing she is clutching in her grubby little fists. And I use the word "offer" loosely here...it's really more like having her graham cracker, or goldfish, or piece of apple thrust forcibly past your clenched lips as you say "mmmm!" and pretend to be really excited about her sharing. Yesterday morning it was blueberries. She and I ate an entire little plastic bin of blueberries together. It was about 7:30 in the morning and I drank my chai and read my morning devotion in between blueberries while Ads alternately fed us and intently watched "Baby Noah". It was really great. Maybe it doesn't sound that special, but I really enjoy those early morning times together. We're very similar, Addie and I, and we both like to be lazy and cuddly and jammied up together. Yes, I realize I just compared myself to a one year old. But it works for us.

And from this, you probably gather that my life isn't insanely on the go all the time, and thus why don't I blog more? The answer to that is "I'm not sure". I want to blog. I'm just not sure how to have more hours in the day. I already get up insanely early (my alarm goes off at 5:45...yes, it's reee-diculous, I know that). But I can't just sit down and start uploading pics and videos and writing at that hour. That's my morning tea and shower and lazy-browsing-of-the-Internet time. Although I swear that Ads left a tracking device behind in my womb. Because no matter WHEN I get up, she wakes up also. It's sort of frightening. Nonetheless, I have a strict "No Addie out of bed until 7 AM" policy. She's safe and happy in her crib, and I need a few minutes in the morning. It makes me a better mother if I can just get some time at the beginning of the day.

And then of course, Addie is up. And she's on the go. And she doesn't stop. We're eating, playing, doing errands, getting dressed, getting the house cleaned, and meeting friends. Until her nap, and then I allow myself some time to read and/or watch television. And then it's whatever we didn't get done in the morning until Tim gets home. And that's family time. And then she's off to bed, and that's couple time. And then I collapse into bed exhausted.

So, that's our day, and it's great. But I haven't made a lot of "blogging time". And I'm not really sure how to get more time without giving up something that feels vital. So oh well, maybe I'm just going to suck at blogging. That might be the conclusion here!

Anyway, since I actually am blogging now, let me move on with things. You might have gathered from all of that above that Addie isn't really a "baby" anymore. She'll always be our baby, but she's definitely a busy and active toddler now. Not only does she walk, but she runs and dances and climbs and throws full fledged dramatic fits where she flings herself to the floor and rolls around. Not only does she talk, she "sings", chatters, and screams and fake cries and basically makes us laugh on a regular basis.

Adelaide is awesome. I say this a lot, I know, and I'm hardly impartial. But really, she is so smart and so clever. She is constantly amazing me with what she takes in and I love our conversations. Just a few days ago we had a conversation where we decided that the squirrels in the trees probably liked to "washy washy" in her little swimming pool, but it was "brrr chillwee!". I was so amused and so proud of her. I love learning how her mind works.

I included a video of Addie here, showing off her talking skills. She's watching a Baby Einstein video and as soon as she sees the animal, she names it. I tried to explain what she was saying after she said it, since her words can be hard to understand unless you are familiar with her. That's the case with all little kids, as far as I know. They jabber off this whole set of sounds and then look at you expectantly, and you look helplessly at their parents for translation. Anyway, this is a post nap video, which explains the crazy hair.


And here a few snaps from our family walk today. It's FINALLY getting to be nice here. And not a moment too soon. I abuse the weatherman on NPR terribly every day and he is finally starting to get merely a few grudging sighs as opposed to a torrent of abuse.

Sweet little kiss

Moms and Ads
Walking the "boys"

14.5 months

Our little winter fashion plate! My Mom bought her this really cute coat, which is the twin of one that I had at Addie's age, and Aunt Sylvia bought her the super cute hat.

Regarding the title, it's kind of a weird age to blog about, I know. But I've been lacking a good old fashioned "Life and Times of Adelaide" post, so here we are...14.5 months.

Right now, she's dashing about the living room with a Santa Claus ornament she found somewhere (under a couch? a chair?) and saying "woof woof". I guess she thinks Santa looks like a dog. She's hugely into animal noises right now, and she does an excellent horse, if I do say so myself. My other favorites are her dolphin (ear splitting shriek) and elephant (exactly like mine, which sounds nothing like an elephant). And now Ads just bolded all my script. She likes to leave her mark, I guess. I think her favorite noise is a cat. I hear her in her bed sometimes, alternately meowing and saying "hey guys!"

She talks quite a bit now. As in, she never really stops talking. We don't always understand what she's saying, but that doesn't stop her from earnestly "conversing" with us. And of course, Addie says a lot of words and phrases that we DO understand quite well. I think our favorites right now are "see ya!" and "love you (lubboo)" and "thank you dad (dank oo dad)". She never says "thank you, mommy", mind you. I only get the solitary "thank you".

Addie is also officially a mover and shaker. She started trying to walk in earnest the day before we left for Panama. But I'd say it was about three weeks ago that she started walking to almost the total exclusion of crawling. She also attempts to "run", which is hilarious, and she dances. I love to watch her dance. She spins in a circle with a few head bobs and then looks at us as if to say "did you see that move?" It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.

We're soooo behind on pictures and things, so here a few favorites from the past few months.

This is a picture of Addie and Calum after being left alone for approximately 30 seconds. They both crawled into her bathroom and managed to open several drawers and doors and start pulling stuff out. I just had to take a picture of these "partners in crime". They've developed a really nice relationship. They genuinely like each other and have a good time together. Our time with Calum is almost done, but it's been really good for both of them!

These my family will appreciate. This is Addie walking around the house wearing a pair of my underwear on her head. I say that my family will appreciate them because we have about 10 pictures of me walking around wearing my mother's underwear on my head at the same age. You just have to laugh. She's incredibly into wearing my clothes right now. Addie routinely goes into my drawers and grabs something...shirt, underwear, socks...and carefully drapes it around her shoulders and walks around the house showing it off. I think it's so sweet that she wants to wear my stuff.



I just had to take these after Addie finished lunch one day. She had some PB&J and boy did she enjoy it. So much so that she wanted to comb it through her hair and rub her face in her lunch. Her strong desire to make a mess can be frustrating for me, at times, but then I think "She's only little once". So I just get the camera, and then pop her straight in the tub.




Last but certainly not least, we've got some serious Game Day gear to display. Yesterday's game between the Tar Heels and dook was for all the marbles... aka the outright ACC championship. I'm proud to report that after a tumultuous season, the Heels won easily. I'd like to think that our "lucky" clothes helped. The shirt that Addie is wearing is actually her infant gown that we bought for her to wear in the hospital, btw. It was a very strangely fitting garment when she was an infant, and it actually makes a better shirt than a gown.


So if you ask Ads to smile for a picture, she does this kind of weird "fake" smile. But it's funny.
This is more like the real thing!


And this, too.

We are just lovin' this sweet baby girl.

Speaking of, if you sing "Sweet Adelaide" to the tune of "Sweet Caroline", she says BOP BOP BOP. Which is awesome. She also sings "This little light of mine" by saying "SHIIIIIIIINE SHIIIIINE". Which is also awesome.

So yes, I'll say it again. We are lovin' this sweet baby girl.

Almost

Written Thursday, February 17th

I've been eagerly planning this post for about a month now. I was imagining posting ultrasound pictures of Baby Ewald in some clever fashion and announcing our good news...we expected another baby in September. It was perfect. A baby 21 months younger than Addie. A baby born in the fall. That was EXACTLY what I wanted. Unfortunately, sometimes things don't go as planned. We lost the baby. Three pregnancies, two miscarriages. That's a hard statistic to live with right now.

I started having some spotting late Weds afternoon. And I just knew it wasn't good news. My pregnancy symptoms had been fading, and though I'd tried to convince myself to stay positive, I was already concerned. They gave me an appt the next morning and the ultrasounds showed a pregnancy that was consistent with 6.5 weeks. I should have been 8.5 by my dates. The other bad sign was that I had an enlarged yolk sac. Anything over 5 mm is worrisome and mine was measuring 9 mm. Enlarged yolk sacs are usually a sign of chromosomal abnormality and pending miscarriage. They didn't officially call it a miscarriage yet because the ultrasound didn't show any signs of "distress"...no ruptured sac, no disintegration, no baby without a heartbeat...but coupled with my other symptoms, the prognosis is officially 95% grim. I have to go back in a week for another ultrasound. As for me, I know the extra week is just a formality. This baby has left us.

So. We grieve now for what we have lost, for the possibilities that will never be realized. For what our family might have been.

And then we try to live well, without fear and guilt and anger and bitterness. Without asking "Why us?", without feeling envious of friends who have never known loss, without allowing the "might have been" to spoil the "what we have".

Easier said than done, but the process is beginning already. I am sure that my family and myself are precious to God. Without a doubt, his Hand has been firmly upon me in this process.

I have been reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts with an online book club. Truly, God is good, because the timing of this book in my life is positively providential. It's a bit more complex than this, but so far (I am only 3 chapters in) the message seems to be that it is truly gratitude for all things and in all things that opens our hearts to a full relationship with God. I will say it again, because it's huge...for all things and in all things. Even this. This is not to say that I'm happy I lost this baby. Far from it.

I sat up all night last night, wrestling with fear and doubt and guilt and shame and anger and bitterness...all of the evil feelings that loss prompts...and I was in a dark place. I felt like a soldier in the trenches that knows he's been wounded and is afraid to examine the extent of the damage. But I went there, gingerly, with tensed muscles and held breath, and found that there was something left.

I did not have to go far for my first prayer of gratitude. Thank You for not making me choose. I have two dear friends that have been faced with the possibility of choosing termination halfway through their pregnancies. Thankfully, both children turned out to be strong and healthy. But the anguish of that specter was terrible for them.

And the second prayer follows quickly after. Thank You for taking our baby early, if we had to lose him or her. We know people that have had stillbirths in the past year, which is far far worse than even this pain.

And that was it. That was all I had. Tim and Addie woke up, and I was back in the dark place when Tim and I tried to talk about the upcoming appointment. I made bitter comments about having more dead children than live ones, while he gently tried to remind me that we didn't even know if it was bad news yet. And that even if it was, we have an amazing daughter. But I didn't want to hear him. I was busy feeling entitled to a houseful of healthy children. Which we've never been promised, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like it's my right. I'm not saying this makes me a bad person...that's what everyone wants, after all...but it doesn't mean that we automatically get what we want, when we want it, in exactly the manner that we choose to have it.

He left for work (he met me at the appt later) and I went around in my dark cloud for a little bit longer. Until I finally just stopped and offered up the simple prayer, "Whatever comes next, let me behave in a way that makes You proud. Loss or life, I will praise You". And that was it. I felt free of the dark place. A song I'd heard half of a few days before came into my mind, and I found it on Youtube and turned it up. (Jason Gray's "More Like Falling in Love", if you're curious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rzOdXJu5UA) And it was perfect for the moment. I held my precious baby girl close, and we danced. And before I even went to the appointment, I was at peace with loss. Somehow, there was deep life affirming joy, even in loss.

The appointment confirmed our worst fears, and we have been grieving. My eyes are swollen nearly shut from crying and I have a terrible headache. "Peace" is not the same thing as "happiness". But it is comforting to grieve cleanly. There is nothing festering inside me with this loss. It's very very sad and very very hard but it's also...I'm not sure of the right word here...gentle, I suppose. I am not without comfort. I have my man and my daughter. God is still God, my family is still my family, and loss serves as the foil to life.

Thank you to our friends and family for the love, the words of encouragement and empathy, the meals, and the hugs. We are so lucky to have such a supportive network of people in our lives.

Panama: Part Two

Finally! This post has been begging to be written for several weeks. As my previous post explains, it just wasn't possible. But here I am, and I have to say, it feels good to be back!

This post might be a little heavier on pictures and shorter on words than usual. But we'll see how it plays out :-)

Once we reached Bocas del Toro, we stayed with Mary and Steve in their villa. Sylvia and Bonnie were already there, and it was nice to have a little family reunion! Their villa is a lovely, spacious home, perfect for the tropics, and the view isn't too shabby either.


Best of all though, is being able to picture Mary and Steve in their space. Here's a shot of Tim and Addie exploring the pool.



Most of the time we ate at home. Tim's whole family enjoys cooking, so we feasted on delicious meals that were a communal effort. One night, however, we did venture over to Bocas Town to eat some fresh seafood (well, those of us that eat meat ate seafood).

Here we are taking the boat over to Bocas Town to grab some groceries before dinner. Addie had to wear a life jacket each time, but she was a good sport about it.


A view of the town

We waited in the boat because it started to rain and had a small adventure. Here's a shot of the building beside us, with a boat moored next to the porch.
I started playing around with the camera, taking some shots of the rain hitting the water. As I was doing things like this...
This happened. Someone mounted our boat with their boat. Why? I don't really know. They seemed fairly unconcerned about it, so we decided we didn't much care either. Maybe Mary and Steve would have felt differently, but they weren't there! Addie is sitting with Sylvia, checking out the rain.

And finally we made it to dinner, which was quite tasty. Here's a shot of my salad, coconut rice, and grilled snapper. Delicious!
Red Frog is still a work in progress. There is a lot of construction going on, which is why some of these pictures feature random stacks of tools and concrete and wood and such. But it's already a beautiful place and we really enjoyed getting to see the different phases of construction. They have quite a few attractions in place already, and one of our favorite things was the zipline through the jungle canopy.

Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I am terrified of heights. So it was no small thing for me to casually fly through the treetops. But...I did it. And I'm so glad that I did! It was quite the experience. It's difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it, but it feels amazing. You glide along with great speed and no effort whatsoever. It's like something you'd experience in a dream, except without the panicked feeling of fleeing flying T Rexs or chasing giant diaper bags full of your carefully pumped milk. Or maybe that's just me.

In any case, it was thrilling and so lovely. The following pictures were all taken by a photographer at Red Frog. She did a great job capturing the various obstacles we had to tackle.

OK, so here is a hiccup. I can't actually copy/paste these photos to my blog because the embedded links are blocked. Instead, here is a link to the gallery. It's password protected, but the password is given in the hint.

http://www.bastimentossky.com/Other/canopy-122710/15217035_HRRMp

The other truly awesome thing that we experienced was a cave tour. Unfortunately, all of my pictures of that are on Mary's camera, and I don't think she's uploaded those photos yet. Although I could be wrong about that because it won't let me into Shutterfly. Ah, the difficulties of blogging.

Even though I can't post my pics yet, let me just say, you could NEVER do this kind of thing in the States. Seriously. We didn't sign a single waiver form, we just...went. Into a very dark and bat infested cave. We were walking through water the entire time, usually up to our knees. However, at one point, we had to swim through water that was up to my neck in depth. We swam through this deep part and found ourselves in a deep pool that was fed by a waterfall. We were able to jump off the rocks into the pool. That was really the best thing about the whole tour. Otherwise, it was a lot of clambering through rocks and over rocks and between rocks and we couldn't see much, because you know, it was a cave. Still, it was quite an experience. I'll have to revisit the cave tour when I get the photos from our time there!

The rest of our time in Panama was all about beach and family. It was fantastic...lots of reading and napping and fun in the surf, if not the sun.

Another beach outfit. Shout out to my friend Maggie for the super cute UV shirt and suit.

Addie and me on the beach


Double rainbow one morning

Pool time with the aunties


There are more pictures that I want to post, but I'm going to have to iron out the technical difficulties before that can happen. So it looks like there will be a Panama: Part Three post after all. This is the trip that never ends...

Except, of course, it did come to an end. And I do want to write more about my overall impressions of Panama and muse a bit on how Addie has changed and grown. But for now, I think this is a fitting one to end the blog on...we had a hair raising good time!