I suck at waiting

Here I am, more than a year after I last found out that I was pregnant. I had no idea when we lost our baby that it would take me so long to get pregnant again. That's a blessing in many ways, I would certainly have lost my mind if I had known. I am 25 days into this cycle, and praying fervently that God will prepare my mind and body for whatever outcome He has planned. Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but I have begun to fear the worst. Charting has helped me to make sense of my body's cycles, and what has become clear that is my cycles are differing pretty dramatically from month to month. I'm not sure if it is stress or illness or some hormonal imbalance, but whatever it is, I pray that it can be fixed quickly. If I should get my period this month, I've finally decided to go get checked out. I hate thinking that there might be something "wrong" with my body, but I suppose at this point, the monthly disappointment is worse than the admission of "failure". It's so hard to think that I should have a three month old at this point.

In other news, winter is still thriving here in Philadelphia. I'm soooooooo ready for spring. Snow is beautiful and good for the land, but it's really freakin' cold. At least it is beautiful!