How far is the East from the West?

There are so many blogging mommies these days. I think it's wonderful. I know from experience with Dillon, Jude, and Aidan that you THINK you would never be able to forget some cute moment, phrase, or look...but all too often we do forget. It must be remarkable to have such a great reminder of your experiences together. I'm definitely going to do this, if I ever get the chance.

It is so hard for me to trust God at this point in my life. I am striving to accept God's plan, which is differing so radically from my own. It is so easy to praise God when He gives, so difficult when He takes away.

Sweet and Sad

Last night, I dreamed about my baby. It's funny, because I always think of ABE as a boy for some reason. However, last night my dream was about a little girl. She had a broad face like Tim's, and blonde curls, and an adorable smile.

She wasn't smiling in my dream, though, she was pitching a fit because I wouldn't let her have more than a half a brownie. I think we were at Barnes and Noble, having a snack in their cafe, and she was seriously pissed. Like her mother, she didn't like to hear "no".

She looked up at me with her little face all screwed up into a grimace, tears just streaming down and said "Moooooooooommmeeeeeee, I really wanna hava wittle bit mowr." And I couldn't help but laugh, she looked so cute, and I said "Love of my life, I can't understand you at all." in a silly voice. The greatest part was that she started laughing when I said that, and I thought, "Thank God for a baby with a sense of humor". Then I stroked her face and kissed her cheek, and she gave me a deliciously chocolately messy kiss on my cheek.

Where is my baby?

Was that the baby I lost? Or one that is yet to come? If something never happens, is it possible to feel empty without it?