I've been reading my list of blogs that I "follow" and I'm really blown away by how much love there is in our world.

It's so easy to focus on all of the many problems in our country...and I do think it's important to talk about our country's issues and find ways to solve them. However, for all of the the things we HAVE NOT yet fixed...healthcare, homelessness, addiction, broken homes, an obsession with material possessions, the existence of duke fans ;-) (yes, the last one is a joke!) ...we do so many things well.

The blogs that I follow are all written by "ordinary" people. By this I mean that they're not celebrities or powerful figures in government, finance, or culture. They're all women, all married, most with children, just trying to figure out life and love and parenting. And yet there is an incredible amount of hope and goodwill in their messages. It's really inspiring. The ordinary people are mostly GOOD people. And I think that's great.

As far as life in Chez Ewald, we're doing well. Baby is still active and strong and incredibly loved.

Tim is doing well...he works hard, but he is learning a lot and getting used to being a full fledged doctor. His schedule hasn't been too terrible thus far and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will remain bearable.

I'm practicing my hypnobirthing techniques and getting better at calming my "Monkey Mind". I'm so fascinated by the birthing process, and I'm learning so much about the amazing design of our bodies. I'm one of those people that really needs to understand what is happening in order to feel comfortable, so this kind of preparation is key for me. And truly, the more I learn about the complex physiology of labor, the more excited I am to experience it.

I know that sounds halfway crazy...in our culture, we're taught to avoid pain at all costs. But I really am looking forward to the experience. I don't think I'm naive...I expect it to hurt beyond anything I've ever felt before. I expect to writhe, cry, groan, possibly puke, possibly scream, maybe even (shudder) tear down there...but I also expect to be 100% elated at the end of it when I meet our baby. I get emotional thinking about the moment when Tim and I finally get to see this little person we've wanted to know for so long. I feel so lucky to be experiencing all of this. It wasn't so long ago that I was beginning to fear that I would never have a child naturally. Thank you, God, for having other plans!

Food for Thought

So I promised to write a bit about my musings on food. Recently I've been studying food production and consumption. It's amazing how little most Americans know about their food supply. We are so divorced from our means of production. And the more I learn, the more I'm trying to change my own little family's food culture.

Most people have no idea that they're eating food grown out of season and very far away. And that we've sacrificed taste and variety for foods that are uniform looking and easily packaged. We've learned to value appearance over taste in food. And we've lost many heirloom varietals of fruits, vegetables, and grains.

And meat...good heavens! Our meat is unhealthier than ever...both literally for the animal, and most definitely for us. Meat grown in Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations (CAPOs) is literally making us sick...and is cruel to the animals kept in these operations.

Other people have written far more eloquently and informatively about these issues than I ever could. Michael Pollan (In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma) and Barbara Kingsolver (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle) are especially good for the layperson.

That's all preface to saying that I'm trying to develop a little more of a "locavore's" attitude towards eating. And I'd also like to be more independent, able to make staples on my own. Towards that goal, I've been baking my own bread. My flour is more or less local (an advantage to living in the Midwest) and it's surprisingly easy...and very satisfying. I feel sort of like I'm recovering a lost skill.

I'd eventually like to branch out to having local grass finished meats in a chest freezer, learning how to can things in season, and making my own cheeses. However, every journey starts with a single step and mine is bread. And I think that was a good choice. It's not difficult and it smells really good. Plus, it is impressive out of all proportion with the actual effort it takes to make it!

I don't think it's practical for everyone to make everything for themselves. After all, some folks just don't have time. But since I do have the time, I'm happy to make myself useful to my family in as many ways as I possibly can.

28 Weeks and Counting

I can't believe how quickly time...and my pregnancy...are flying by. I haven't posted in a while and I'm thinking about trying something new. I'm going to try to post before bed at night. I think it might be a therapeutic way to empty my sometimes spinning mind before sleep...and my best intentions aside, I am just not a morning person. I can get up early when I have to, but I'd vastly prefer not to get up early at all. And should I be up, I'm sure as heck not going to be posting many insightful things on my blog!

Baby Ewald seems to be doing great. He/She (Shem, as my Rochester friends call the baby) is very active and vigorous. I was actually up until 1:30 the night before, literally unable to sleep because of all the uterine acrobatics. That's what I get for eating Halloween Oreos and milk before bed. Speaking of eating, my weight is right where it should be...20 pounds! Hard to believe...sometimes I pass mirrors and think "wow...I'm huge" but it always pleases me. And I never fail to smile at all the little punches, kicks, flips, and stretches. There's one right now in fact. Some of them are suprisingly strong, actually elicting an "oof" or something similar.

I love it though. In fact, as excited as I am to meet this little person, I know part of me will miss having the baby inside of me. This way, we're always together. As soon as the baby is born, I know it will be its own person...dependent on me though it may be!

Speaking of birth, I've been doing a lot of studying and thinking about labor and childbirth. I've decided to go with a natural childbirth, if possible. I have a lot of reasons for this, some practical, some more esoteric. Obviously the most important thing is the health of the baby and the mother. If my baby needs to get out quickly, I want that to happen asap...that's the real goal after all...a healthy child. Even when natural childbirth is physically possible, I don't think it is for everyone, and let's be honest, it's not like you get a medal for doing it drug free! Why do it then?

Well, for me, the answer to that question has a lot to do with wanting a fair number of children (at least in theory!). Interventions like epidurals and inducement drugs often lead to further interventions ...episiotomies, forceps, c sections...mostly resulting from an inability to feel what the body is doing and a failure to push properly. I also believe that we women were designed for childbirth. Studying the actual hormonal processees of childbirth has given me a new respect for our bodies and God's design. I really want to experience the whole spectrum...the slow opening of the body, followed by intense pushing, and the rush of the finished birth.

I know it will hurt and I'm trying to prepare for that through meditation and practicing techniques to help my body work with the pain instead of against it. In our culture, we believe that having pain is something to be avoided, and 9 times out of 10 that's likely true. In this case, however, the pain isn't signaling "injury" to our bodies, it's actually very powerful energy. We're not comfortable with some of the more amazing things our bodies can do, and those things are often accompanied by interesting sensations that we call "pain". Sometimes we need a better word. After all, I remember running miles for soccer practice back in high school and my body hurt...but in an awesome way. I'm trying to approach labor in the same mindset. Like I'm going to be experiencing some really powerful and tiring sensations ...but with an amazing pay off. Sadly, it's not great legs this time....but incredibly, it is a baby. It doesn't get much better than that!

I've also been thinking a lot about food lately. I'll have to post more about that later, since my laptop is spontaneously shutting itself down in 2:57, apparently. Technology. What if I don't care about these updates and don't WANT to shut down? Clearly, lappy doesn't give a darn. The Rhett Butler of the computer world. To which I say, "Fiddle dee dee", you hunk o wires.