What Goes Untyped

Sometimes I hate blogging. Maybe that comes as a shock, but I have a feeling some of you can understand exactly what I mean.

Don't get me wrong, I mostly love my blog. It's this incredible living document that allows me to record all my memories of our family time right now. In fact, my blog feels like a member of my family...not on the level of a person, but like a beloved family pet. One that I don't manage to feed for weeks at a time. Minor detail, that.

But yes, there are times that I hate doing this. And honestly, it's not the things that I write about that drive me crazy. It's the things that I don't write.

Sometimes its because I started this, and if I don't fully commit to it, it hangs over my head. Like a small voice saying "PRECIOUS MOMENTS ARE GOING UNRECORDED!!!!" in a not so small way.

Some of it is because I have times when I want to rant about something. Like...oh let's just pick something random....winter that lasts for half a year. Mere coincidence, of course. But I don't do it, because some folks that follow this blog are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome native Minnesotans and of course, it might be offensive to them to see someone politely questioning their sanity why people enjoy this climate. I've always thought that you needed a REALLY good reason to hurt someone's feelings, and total honesty on a blog is just not good enough unless it keeps you from stoning the local snowplow.

The biggest reason though is that some of the heaviest things in my life don't belong solely to me. They belong to other people, people I care deeply about, and it just isn't my place to share my feelings about their stories with the greater world. Even though those stories might affect me deeply. Even though it might be all that I can think about at times.

We've all heard the phrase "the elephant in the room". This is like "the spider in the Web." I coined that phrase, feel free to use it. ;-) Bad puns aside, I think most amateur bloggers try to avoid sticky threads. You know what I mean by sticky threads. The things you would never put on the family Christmas card letter. "Judy started her freshman year at Yale where she is apparently majoring in binge drinking if her grades are any indication!!!" The ones that don't avoid those threads are the best bloggers but I'm not sure they have much domestic tranquility. Which, as I continue this bad pun/metaphor, makes the rest of us careful little ...um...well...insects, I guess...that live to blog another day. And there is nothing wrong with that. But sometimes it feels so false to me, to paint a picture of only the light in my life...though I truly thank God that the light nearly always overpowers the dark.

A lot of this post is whistling in the dark, because in truth, I am suffering deeply for a loved one at this moment. If you don't know the story, don't worry, it doesn't concern anyone you care about. Well, besides me, of course. If you do know, then you know, and you too have been grieving. It is not my story, and I have no wish to tell it, so please don't ask. I can't blog about it, but I wanted to acknowledge the pain of it. It was keeping me away from this blog, out of fear of the consequences of acknowledging it. So here it is, acknowledged and respected. And now it can move on its way.

And while there are things I can't publicly grieve, there are some things that I can publicly celebrate.

Sisterhood. Both the blood and the chosen kind. Thank God for the richness of womens' friendships in good and bad times.

My husband, my best friend.

Trips home. They restore my soul. Something in me is intrinsically tied to that bit of red red earth right in the heart of my native state. It's the mental equivalent of pajama pants. Your "day" pants might look amazing and you might enjoy the heck out of them, but you breathe a little easier in your cozy pants.

And my baby girl. She's 11 months old and sassy as she can be. Her various pictures and videos deserve a post of their own. So for Addie fans, just stay tuned. I have a bit of a backlog to address, and I will do that, I promise you. She's still amazing and she'll get her just praise in due time. :-)

In the meantime, I am focusing on prayers for peace, mercy, and grace for those in need of healing.